Went to the Weight Management doctor on Monday. I was given a B12 shot with this extremely large needle. Way to start the morning, huh? I was put on the scale: 242 (yay), B/P taken 116/76 (magnificent). So I'm thinking I'm going to meet with the doctor, but no the nurse decides she's going to take my blood sugar and check my cholesterol levels. I follow her and sit down. She takes my middle finger, wipes it clean, then jabs me without warning and says at the same time "Oh you did so great!" I'm thinking I'd like to jab you in the trachea. I don't know how diabetics do it day in and day out. That hurt like hell! Both tests come out with great results so she takes me to the doctor's office. Now, Dr. Lopez used to be 400+ pounds. He's not a rail thin doctor looking down his nose at you lecturing you on how you must not touch the cupcakes or your heart is going to explode. He has lost 200 lbs since he started the weight management program himself. He shows be his "before" picture. A pic of him in Miami with family so you know it's real and yes, he was once a part of the " moose clan" like I am now. ( You have to poke fun at yourself people, if not you'll be miserable so don't be offended)
He checks my lungs, my heart, nods in approval and them says to me, " The medication works, but you also have to excercise." UGH. " I'm not saying you have to become a triathlete, but you have to do some type of " Getting off your ass movement." Okay he didn't say it like that exactly. Where is my gym teacher now that I REALLY need him. You know you hate gym class when you're in high school, hate changing into those uniforms, freezing your butt in the ice cold water in the swimming pool. Now that I'm an overweight adult I would do anything to go back to Coach Bringe and let him whip me into shape for FREE. I nod. EXCERCISE. Does this guy realize that's it's winter right now? Who runs in this? I would have an asthma attack and die. Jumping jacks.....outta the question I would be risking the foundation of the house. He continued to tell me repeatedly, " No sugar, no sugar, no sugar and excercise." I thank him, pay, and leave with my mulitvitamins and meds, and go to my grandma's.
So with the thought of EXCERCISE in my head and trying to figure out just how I am going to accomplish this feat I go through the day. See, I'm the type of person who needs to be interacting when it comes to excercise like playing basketball - Oh Boy, could you just imagine the jiggle? I do not have the discipline to jump on a treadmill and run going nowhere like a hamster on a wheel. Then it hits me: The Wii. My son has a Wii. I can use that and do some ab work and be done. WoooWhooo!! I'm so excited I finally figured something out that I completly forget about it until 12 at night when I'm ready for bed. Sighing and reminding myself why I'm doing this to begin with I ask my husband, who has to be at work at four in the morning by the way, if he could show me how to work this Wii. I am not a gadget person. Give me a book and I'm fine with that, ask me what a tension pneumothorax is and I can tell you that, ask me how to start the Wii you're just shit outta luck. I don't do the Wii. We've had it for a year and I've touched it once.
He agrees and takes me through the motions. This is how you turn it on. This how you put the game in. Yeah, yeah ok. This is how you blah, blah, blah. So there I am holding the wand or whatever you call it pointing it at the tv. He tells me to click on boxing. Ok. Then I begin...Good Lord... I'm swinging this way and that way, jabbing the wand right and left, I move closer to the tv cause this jerk is just punching me in the face! My husband tells me to get back. I move back still swinging and jabbing like a crazed person and I knocked him out! Wow! Now I know why my son loves this games so much. To my husbands delight I keep playing and jumping and yelling at the tv. Then I realize he's recording me! I'm inwardly mortified. I ask him to see and it's not a pretty sight. My arms are flapping like some wild turkey trying to take flight, but my fat ass can't lift off the ground. When did my arms get soooooo huge? They look like ham hocks! Like dancing sausages!
I tell him he's not allowed to show anybody. He just laughs. I continue the game and go from boxing, to cycling, and then canoeing. I was yucky and smelly by the time I said enough is enough.
In the morning, my husband has already gone to work. I'm trying to be quiet so I don't wake up the boys. I turn on the tv, pick my game, and turn on the Wii. I point at the tv. Nothing. WTH? I try again. Nothing. Errrrr. Fine. I go to my 8year olds room. He is asleep. " Davian," I say. He rolls one eye open. " I need your help." He asks, " With the computer?" I smile. This kid knows his mom is an electronic doofus. " No, with the Wii." " Oh, snap!" He says and jumps out of bed. I follow him back to the livingroom and we go through the motions. Still not working. After 15 minutes of maybe it's the battery, maybe we should sync the wand my son looks at me and says, " Mom, you didn't turn on the sensor bar." Oh.