No sugar, no sugar, no sugar, EXCERCISE!!!

Went to the Weight Management doctor on Monday. I was given a B12 shot with this extremely large needle. Way to start the morning, huh? I was put on the scale: 242 (yay), B/P taken 116/76 (magnificent). So I'm thinking I'm going to meet with the doctor, but no the nurse decides she's going to take my blood sugar and check my cholesterol levels. I follow her and sit down. She takes my middle finger, wipes it clean, then jabs me without warning and says at the same time "Oh you did so great!" I'm thinking I'd like to jab you in the trachea. I don't know how diabetics do it day in and day out. That hurt like hell! Both tests come out with great results so she takes me to the doctor's office. Now, Dr. Lopez used to be 400+ pounds. He's not a rail thin doctor looking down his nose at you lecturing you on how you must not touch the cupcakes or your heart is going to explode. He has lost 200 lbs since he started the weight management program himself. He shows be his "before" picture. A pic of him in Miami with family so you know it's real and yes, he was once a part of the " moose clan" like I am now. ( You have to poke fun at yourself people, if not you'll be miserable so don't be offended)

He checks my lungs, my heart, nods in approval and them says to me, " The medication works, but you also have to excercise." UGH. " I'm not saying you have to become a triathlete, but you have to do some type of " Getting off your ass movement." Okay he didn't say it like that exactly. Where is my gym teacher now that I REALLY need him. You know you hate gym class when you're in high school, hate changing into those uniforms, freezing your butt in the ice cold water in the swimming pool. Now that I'm an overweight adult I would do anything to go back to Coach Bringe and let him whip me into shape for FREE. I nod. EXCERCISE. Does this guy realize that's it's winter right now? Who runs in this? I would have an asthma attack and die. Jumping jacks.....outta the question I would be risking the foundation of the house. He continued to tell me repeatedly, " No sugar, no sugar, no sugar and excercise." I thank him, pay, and leave with my mulitvitamins and meds, and go to my grandma's.

So with the thought of EXCERCISE in my head and trying to figure out just how I am going to accomplish this feat I go through the day. See, I'm the type of person who needs to be interacting when it comes to excercise like playing basketball - Oh Boy, could you just imagine the jiggle? I do not have the discipline to jump on a treadmill and run going nowhere like a hamster on a wheel. Then it hits me: The Wii. My son has a Wii. I can use that and do some ab work and be done. WoooWhooo!! I'm so excited I finally figured something out that I completly forget about it until 12 at night when I'm ready for bed. Sighing and reminding myself why I'm doing this to begin with I ask my husband, who has to be at work at four in the morning by the way, if he could show me how to work this Wii. I am not a gadget person. Give me a book and I'm fine with that, ask me what a tension pneumothorax is and I can tell you that, ask me how to start the Wii you're just shit outta luck. I don't do the Wii. We've had it for a year and I've touched it once.

He agrees and takes me through the motions. This is how you turn it on. This how you put the game in. Yeah, yeah ok. This is how you blah, blah, blah. So there I am holding the wand or whatever you call it pointing it at the tv. He tells me to click on boxing. Ok. Then I begin...Good Lord... I'm swinging this way and that way, jabbing the wand right and left, I move closer to the tv cause this jerk is just punching me in the face! My husband tells me to get back. I move back still swinging and jabbing like a crazed person and I knocked him out! Wow! Now I know why my son loves this games so much. To my husbands delight I keep playing and jumping and yelling at the tv. Then I realize he's recording me! I'm inwardly mortified. I ask him to see and it's not a pretty sight. My arms are flapping like some wild turkey trying to take flight, but my fat ass can't lift off the ground. When did my arms get soooooo huge? They look like ham hocks! Like dancing sausages!
I tell him he's not allowed to show anybody. He just laughs. I continue the game and go from boxing, to cycling, and then canoeing. I was yucky and smelly by the time I said enough is enough.

In the morning, my husband has already gone to work. I'm trying to be quiet so I don't wake up the boys. I turn on the tv, pick my game, and turn on the Wii. I point at the tv. Nothing. WTH? I try again. Nothing. Errrrr. Fine. I go to my 8year olds room. He is asleep. " Davian," I say. He rolls one eye open. " I need your help." He asks, " With the computer?" I smile. This kid knows his mom is an electronic doofus. " No, with the Wii." " Oh, snap!" He says and jumps out of bed. I follow him back to the livingroom and we go through the motions. Still not working. After 15 minutes of maybe it's the battery, maybe we should sync the wand my son looks at me and says, " Mom, you didn't turn on the sensor bar." Oh.

This F&%#ing Diet Sucks!!!

Okay so I have established that I went from" oh-so-cute-I-wanna-marry-you" to " yes, we know you are now the size of a moose, but you gotta send us pictures in your undies." I have been on the south beach diet before, but I did it half-heartedly to squeeze this enormous cuban behind of mine in my wedding dress. I decided I was going to give it a go again since I am determined to have this procedure done in April. For those of you who don't know the SBD is consists of eliminating sugar, bad carbs, sugar, fruit, sugar, eliminating sugar - Get the drift? The diet is divided into three Phases. The first Phase lasts two weeks and is designed to eliminate cravings and kick-start weight loss. The second Phase is intended to produce long-term, steady weight loss. You'll stay in Phase 2 until you reach a healthy weight. Then you'll move to Phase 3, the lifestyle Phase...blah, blah, blah.

So I was all set. I had all my healthy goodies and I AM GOING TO DO THIS! I started on Sunday the 17th and was hanging in there doing good. I got on the scale on wednesday and found I had gone from 249 to 244. Not bad for a few days. I was on roll! Then I found the swiss rolls. You know you love swiss rolls. I turned the other way, tried to forget they were in the cabinet and made myself a cup of hot tea with (ugh) splenda.

So the next day I get on the scale and it says 242. AWESOME!!! Yes, I am awesome. I beat the swiss rolls!! Ha Ha, in your face! Doing good. I've been steaming my veggies, eating lean meats, not fats, no sweets. The next day Mike and I go to the movies. Now I will not pay full price to go to the movies. The cost of going out to the movies nowadays is just ridiculous especially if you have a bunch of kids. Luckily, we have the Merrillville 10 near us where we only pay 5 dollars for adults for the night show and they are all newly released movies. We decide to see The Princess and The Frog. Good movie by the way. Here's the clincher: They give you a free small bag of popcorn with one free refill with your ticket. Now, I looooovvvvveeee movie popcorn. It's so yummy and so much better than microwave popcorn. Question is what is that "butter" that they put on it really? Doesn't matter cause that's the best part! So I made my decision to accept that free small bag of popcorn and I loved it. I did not use the free refill option.

Saturday, I get on the scale 242. Good.

Sunday, I get on the scale 245..... WHAT!!!!!! You can't tell me that one little itty bitty bag of popcorn on Friday made me gain 3 pounds. The scale and I get into a fight. I just want to throw it out the damn front door and let the electronic wiring die a slow painful death out in the cold. Stupid scale!!! Errrrr!!! I'm not happy. I have been following this diet all week to the T with the exception of my beloved popcorn and this...this thing is mocking my efforts! Whatever. I ignore it the rest of the day.

Today, Monday I get on the scale 246.... I stop and think for a minute. Let me see. I step on it again 242....hmmmmmm. I step on it again 247. Damn thing needs to be recalibrated. LOL. Whew!!

And so I went to the weight management doctor today and stepped on their scale 242. Awesome. I will not step on any other scale from here on out.

And The Answer Is......

I wish I would have thought to start this a week sooner so I could have written as things happened, but I suppose being a few days off isn't too bad so we'll just play catch up.
The next day which was January 16, 2010 I hightailed it to the library to make my copies of the reports the doctor asked for and to print out my letter of introduction that had to include my height and weight. GULP. Nobody tells you that you turn into a moose when you are married and off the market. I have gained 50 pounds, yes 50 pounds since my hubby and I were married in October of 2007. Luckily, I was hopeful and decided to start the South Beach Diet earlier that week. So I gave her a brief summary of how I ended up need her services to begin with and included: I am 5'7 and 248 pounds (moose) and went to the post office. I mailed it off. This was the hard part: The Wait. Each day I went to the mailbox looking for an envelope from the Jackson Clinic. Now this is probably the norm for other people, you know going to the mailbox, but not for me. I avoid the mailbox as if it were the plague. I hate going to the mailbox and my husband can back me up on this one and I'm sure the mailman has noticed as well. The only thing that was keeping me sane was keeping busy with my grandma, chauffering the kids around, and church. I became restless on Thursday; keep in mind not even a week had passed and sent an email asking for a timeframe. On Friday morning, I jumped out of bed and checked my email anticipating an answer and found......NOTHING!! Errrr. So began another day without knowing if I would be able to have my tubes reversed and constantly checking my email with repeats of nothingness.

The next day, Saturday the 22nd, I went to the dreaded mailbox and inside the only thing in it was a white envelope with Jackson Clinic on it. I ran inside. The dog, Nessa, started jumping and squealing and all I'm trying to do is figure out what to do now. Should I wait for him to come home so we can do this together? No! I opened it:

Dear Jennifer:

I have reviewed your letter of introduction and the records of your tubal ligation. (Breathe) From the way that your tubal was done, it appears that you are an excellent candidate for a tubal reversal.

That was it!!! The tears came and joyful praise thanking God for this second chance. Nessa (the dog) and I danced and jumped together. I overcome with emotion and she barking trying to figure out what all the commotion was about. When I finally got it together I text my husband. His response? Good. Huh? Here I am dancing with the dog and all he says is Good and not in all CAPS with exclamation points either!!! Come to find out later he was driving the ambulance at the time so he was excused.

I put the letter on our fridge and then I saw it: * Need Photos* Doh!!

And so begins the diet....

The First Step

After many, many years of going back and forth about getting my tubes reversed (TR) I have finally decided, through much prayer, to get it done. I am so very excited! I have been doing a lot of research on where to go and I finally found Dr. Rogers in Tennessee. I read and reread the website over and over again. I cried when I read the testimonies and at the same time I was hesitant because who's to say those testimonies are even real, right?

I went to the hospital where I had my TL done and went to medical records. I sat in that chair with my back straight up, reading the questions and checking the little boxes carefully like I was taking the damn ACTs again. Operative Report. Check. Pathology Report. Check. I took my time like I was rewriting the Bible. I didn't want one mistake. When I finished I turned it in to the clerk at the computer and she blew my mind. " Oh, I can print this out for you right now," she said. I was stunned. My heart slammed against my ribs. I could hear myself breathing. " Well, I don't want to have to pay for the records," I said," That's why I requested the records to go to my doctor for review." Breathe.....breathe.....baboom...baboom. " Oh, I won't charge you. It's only going to be a couple of pages." I nodded. This was it. My whole life would change depending on what was on these papers. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes. She really had no idea what she was doing for me. Being able to walk out with records in hand would mean I would know the answer to my future even sooner. I wouldn't have to be a nervous wreck trying to find out if they mailed the records; if they received them. She handed me a brown envelope. I could have sworn my skeleton was rattling inside of me. This was it...... I said my thank yous and told her I appreciated that she did that for me then turned around and walked out. When I made it outside, I opened it trying to read the words on the paper to see if I could diagnose myself. It was like I was reading Japanese!!! Note to self: You are not a doctor, you don't know doctore speak and paramedic school did not prep you for this.